So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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