if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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