Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
