I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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