Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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