Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
