Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
