got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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