Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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