I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
