I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
