I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
