k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
