hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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