Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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