You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
