it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
