look no pants
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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