My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
