i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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