WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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