Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
