he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
