I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
