Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All the doctor said was why
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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