I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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