ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
