dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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