WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
