I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
