I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize