I showed him my bush... on skype.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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