If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
