i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there's paper in my vomit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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