The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
