Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
