she woke up with a sticky ear
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
