apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
