Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
