I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
