I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
