i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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