I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is the high leading the old right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
