My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Let's paint friendship bongs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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