Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
