thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
