my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
