I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
