were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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