i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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