Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My bed smells like the plague
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
