My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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