Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
