I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
one two three fourrrrnication!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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