I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
