I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
