She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
