Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
