but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
