Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
