I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize