I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
