I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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