I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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