He uses pillows to masturbate.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
