The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
