Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
