What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
