And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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