What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
