Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
