I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize