So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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