Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
