is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Farmville is her only friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
