we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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