pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
