the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
