I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
