nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
