Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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